Dating, Sex and The Single Mom

To date in 2018, in a serious manner if you are looking for a long term relationship you might as well just give up. Seriously.  Within my age group you would think that men would be more cordial, more gentlemen like instead of trying to act like they are back in their 20’s. I have found that dating a younger man while it can have its down moments it has more positive than negatives. Why? Well here let us look at some facts for those of us late 30’s to early 40’s  single females:

  • We are independent women which makes a younger man look at us with more admiration.
  • We have already been there, done that and we know what we want at this point in our lives.
  • The sex is amazing! No minute men, more like lets go all night long like Lionel Ritchie would sing.
  • They want to care for us, instead of us taking care of them. They feel we’ve been through the ringer therefore its time to be a little spoiled.
  • They aren’t looking for a sugar momma instead looking to gain more experience in sex.

So if I had it my way I’d solely date single men. The men I have met in my age group have decided they rather let us go dutch on a first date, want sex immediately and rather talk about how great Rambo movies are instead of holding an intelligent conversation. The younger men are more interested in speaking to you about their goals, what are your goals as well even if we are accomplished. They engage better in intellectual conversations than a 40 something year old man. The 40 something year old man is looking to settle with anything and anyone. As the younger male wants to build an empire and values our opinion. So my take on all this is the following- date whom you want, whatever age group you want to but I find men in early to mid 30’s to be more fascinating than a mid 40’s year old man who think I owe him something because he is accomplished. Well, so am I. I have put in the work and I have raised the children, done the marriage for over 15 years+ so to say that I have seen/done it all you can say that. I find that the men in their mid 40’s are more cocky, and pushy as to the younger male is more comfortable within himself and he is willing to share his goals and help you accomplish your goals even if you don’t need to accomplish any.

So again, these are my opinions and my thoughts and these are my encounters as a single mom in her late 30’s.

Any feedback is always welcome.

 

 

XOXOXOXOXOX

Lori

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Its been a while…..

Its been sometime since I last blogged and so much has happened. We had a snow storm in Charleston, yes an actual snow storm that shut the whole city down for almost a week. I lost my Grandmother (maternal) in January of this year. I went back to my home island of Puerto Rico with my loved ones to bury her. We all traveled and met up in the island as we all live in different states.  To go back to Puerto Rico, after the devastation of Hurricane Maria to say it really puts things into perspective its an understatement.  A small island that took a punch straight through and it still holds all the beauty of this world. I was on the mend with my ex husband due to this death in January, I had hoped we would get back together as everything looked very promising for us to be able to set aside the past and go forward with a new outlook on the story of us….we even went forth and looked at homes to rent together to make our relationship work again…..for it all to backfire shortly after. I now see that things between him and I are just not meant to be. Its sometimes hard to let go after spending half of your life with someone whom you loved more than life itself. But then I am reminded of how good of a woman I am and how I will find that one man who I won’t have to cry to for him to hug me, love on me, make me laugh that he will simply get me and understand I too am human and not a stepford bride.

It has been an emotional roller coaster! The dating world…I won’t even speak on that. I have been lucky enough to be speared a broken heart. I have learned to love myself far more than to love anyone else and to be honest I am STILL learning. I watched my middle son graduate high school this year and now he is also enlisting in the military. My youngest is going into his last year of elementary school and I am not ready for him to be a 5th grader. Time sure does move by fast doesn’t it? My children are simply amazing, but all parents tend to be this way- biased. They are our babies after all and even tho my oldest is married and gone he is still in my eyes my baby, they all are. To be a single mom of 3 boys is really something. I have learned so much from my children and I have taught them a lot too. They humble me and I keep them grounded and make sure they know they are no better than anyone else.

So here is a little of preview in photos of what has happened the last 8 months while I have been in a hiatus mode. I promise to blog more often and share what’s going on in my life from a military wife to a single mom.

XOXOXOXO

 

A Baby…..

Today I will share with all of you something I’ve kept to myself for a long time.  Only a few people in my life knew about it including the father of the baby. I have kept quiet because I didn’t feel it was anyone’s business to know. But as I sat and reflected over the past two weeks I decided to share with you my story.  I am sure there are hundreds of women whom also keep silent due to shame and feel guilty they caused this to happen.

I lost a baby earlier this year. I was in denial for a few weeks just telling myself I was bloated and that is why I was looking the way I did. I would wake up craving weird things I hated like Milano cookies (BARF) or lemonade which I loathe! So I knew something wasn’t right. My boyfriend at the time was out to sea and I didn’t want to tell him the symptoms I was feeling as he didn’t need stress added onto stress. But as the weeks passed and yet I had no cycle I knew something was off. At first I thought OK I have PCOS so maybe its symptoms from it. I left it at that. As the weeks kept passing by and he was out to sea I was hitting the gym hard and seeing zero results. I kept asking my best friend if maybe I could be pregnant and we both laughed and said no way! Not with my PCOS being so severe there is a very low chance of that ever happening and if it did, it would be a miracle. As my boyfriend returned from being out to sea and we saw each other again he asked me “Are you pregnant” which I immediately said “OMG NO! I am bloated” he asked again “Are you sure? Do you want me to go get you a test to just make sure?” I said “E…I am really stressed out and therefore this has made my cycle go out of sync” he laughed and said “OK, but I still say let’s make sure” but we left it at that. As I was driving home I asked my best friend if I should just stop and buy a test to see what it would read. Her response was one that to this day makes me giggle “Well, duh! go get one I mean damn you are weeks late” I stopped on the way home and just threw it in my room and said to myself I’m not pregnant so I won’t take it. At 3am like clock work I got up to of course pee, you know the lovely peeing in the middle of the night? So I rushed grabbed the test and went back to bed. I left it there on the table in my bathroom and when I woke up at 5:30am, to get ready to go to work there it was 2 bright lines showing I was indeed pregnat. My initial reaction was “HOLY SHIT HOW THE HELL IS THIS POSSIBLE WITH PCOS” but it happened. I texted my boyfriend and told him to call me when he woke up as I didn’t want to wake him. To my surprise he was already awake. He immediately called me and asked me what was wrong. I said.. “Well, babe, we are pregnant” He said “What?” I said “Yes, we are most certainly pregnant let me send you the photos of the test”…a minute later he calls and says “Wow, we are” we were both in shock. I immediately got an appointment to see my doctor (my amazing dr who delivered my youngest) she saw me and confirmed I was pregnant. I was almost 8 weeks. So what happened you may ask? I’m sure you already have figured it out by reading in between the lines….I miscarried. I was devastated. Just two days after finding out I was pregnant I lost my baby. I will never know if it was a boy or a girl. But I catch myself sometimes day dreaming about it. How would my 4th child would look? Have his daddy’s eyes? Smile? sense of humor? My fashionista sense? My hair color? My lips? My sassyness? I think about it and then remember I have an angel in heaven who is being loved and held by my uncle. I can see my uncle in heaven holding my baby and signing to the baby sweet lullabies.  I find comfort in knowing that someday when I pass onto the next life I will see my baby boy or girl and hold him or her in  my arms and say you are perfect as I always envisioned you to be.

Miscarriage is something that is not spoken about. So many women hold off talking about it because of the pain it causes. I understand that pain all too well. It is not our fault that we lost our babies. There are things we can’t control. As I went back for a follow up appointment in mid April, I asked my Dr what caused this. I started blaming myself and going down the list of things that I thought I caused myself and E. to lose the baby. She held my hand and said its none of those things. Sometimes things happen because they’re meant to. Sometimes angels are called back home because they are too good for this cruel world. I cried with her as she held me and allowed me to cry and get it all out of my system….Then she said “You are a strong woman. I have seen you for 13 years, and you took amazing care of yourself with your last full term pregnancy.  Its nothing you did” then she asked “Do you want to know when you conceived your child” I asked in a giggle as I cleaned up my tears….”Is that possible? To actually have an accurate date of conception” She said “Yes, do you want want to know?” I said “YES” very loudly. She pulled out the computer and said “OK, this is your due date 9/23/17, so you conceived on 12/31/2016” I laughed and said “OK, well, wow that is accurate” I asked her if it could have been twins (since it runs strong on my side) she said “No, why do you ask” I said “Well, I was showing a lot, and fast for no reason” she then giggle and said “Well, its your 4th, your uterus is stretched from carrying and giving natural birth to 3 previous children, and you were 15lbs heavier from your last visit, therefore you were bound to show faster than a normal female who has never had children, or maybe just  had 2” My doctor to this day has been an angel from God! She randomly checks in to see how I am doing. I couldn’t be more grateful for such an amazing doctor.

So today I am grieving the loss of my 4th child. My little angel who I never held, nor met but knew that he/she was loved. So my sweet angel know that your mommy loves you and I know your daddy loves you so much too. I know your dad and I took your loss hard. We never really spoke about it because of the shock. But I will now share my story, I know I didn’t go through this to just dwell on the pain, but to help other mommies just like myself to heal and not blame themselves for the passing of a sweet angel.

Dolled Up

Sometimes I forget that I am woman. How can one forget right? Well, life. A busy life where its the 9-5 job, and the waking up early for breakfast for the kids and planning dinner before heading to the office, that is my life on a daily with no help. As you all know I have no family in the South therefore its the kids and I living alone and surviving. This week had been hectic, and its only Thursday. My family lives in Puerto Rico, they just went through Hurricane Irma, now they got a direct hit from Hurricane Maria. It has now been over 48hrs and no communication whatsoever. To say I am worried that would be an understatement. The entire country has no power, therefore no communication in nor out. I pray these days go fast where I can hear my parents say “We’re OK, we made it” Then I’ll breathe a sigh of relief.

The other night as the kids fell asleep I thought to myself just get dolled up- for no reason just do it. Who cares that you don’t have a date, nor anyone to come see you, just do it. So I did. It felt amazing to sit at my makeup desk and get all dolled up as I use to do daily when I went to Sephora to work. I worked for Sephora for over 3 years, the best 3 years of my life! They were fun and I learned a lot. I became a certified makeup artist and one huge perk to working for Sephora? Gratas! Yes, where monthly you get free makeup by taking a mandatory course to keep your job. So I pulled out all the goodies and here is a list of all items used and a photo. Makeup doesn’t have to be hard, just enjoy the process of getting dolled up even if you have no where to go. I still remember my former boss telling me “Practice truly does make perfect, but remember makeup is fun not perfection”…truer words have never been spoken!

  1. Makeup Forever Matte Primer for my face
  2. Kat Von D Concealer for under eyes, around nose and imperfect areas
  3. Smashbox eyeshadow primer
  4. Makeup Forever  eye shadow in the shade “Plumb”
  5. Makeup Forever eye shadow in “Gold”
  6. Foundation: Kat Von D in 48 light
  7. Too Faced contour in Chocolate Soleil
  8. Blush by Wet & Wild: 80’s Style
  9. Highlight by Becca & Jaclyn Hill: Champagne Pop.
  10. Lashes: House of Lashes in “Everlasting”
  11. Eyelash Glue: “DUO”
  12. Lipstick: Maybeline “Rose pink”
  13. Makeup Setter: Urban Decay “All Nighter”

Dodged Hurricane Irma

To say we got lucky is an understatement! We dodged being hit head on as predicted by Hurricane Irma.  We did get hit pretty hard where we lost one of the most beloved restaurants in Charleston, California Dreaming. It flooded, then caught fire. It was sad to see such a beautiful restaurant go up in flames. It was a big loss for us in Charleston.

We did get the back end of the hurricane and we had a lot of flooding, tornado’s (which I never experienced) and wind gusts up to 60-80mph. It was a scary day where I had to keep the kids calm and remind them that everything would be fine that mommy was here. As night approached things started to die down and I felt a bit more at ease, never the less my nerves were wrecked from tornado’s popping up from downtown Charleston all the way up to Summerville and Ladson. There are so many things happening around us that it is scary. Its not just Irma, now we have Hurricane Jose and now Hurricane Maria approaching my homeland of Puerto Rico as a Cat 5 hurricane. I don’t think my family can take anymore. And now here in the East coast we have to keep an eye out on yet another hurricane.

Life has been busy to say the least. The kids are finally back to school after having 3 days off due to Hurricane Irma. I am back to work. I am back to regular mommy mode with working, homework, cooking, cleaning, etc.. Have I not said this before? Can you single mommy’s agree with me on this…being a single momma is no easy task!!! Let’s hope this next Hurricane, Hurricane Maria stays away from us. I don’t want to endure another storm again!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Lori

Preparing for Hurricane Irma

So here we are 5 days out of possibly getting hit head on with a possible Category 3 or 4 Hurricane. Hurricane Irma is slamming my home island of Puerto Rico, as I write this blog. My parents, Grandparents, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles and childhood friends are all still in Puerto Rico, they’re troopers to say the least! Communication has been limited this afternoon. I at times can get through, others I can’t. When I can is a quick 2 minute conversation and its a broken up one as I can’t make out what they’re saying, but I piece it together as good as I can.  As of this morning they have had no water nor lights. Luckily my parents have gone through a lot of Hurricanes including Hugo and Andrew. They have generators to give them power, plenty of water and food and of course they stocked up on their medication. Thus far they are OK and more concerned with the kids and I getting struck with Hurricane Irma, early on next week.

If you are a Charleston native, or just lived in Charleston in the last year I am sure you remember Hurricane Matthew. It came in as a Category 1 and the havoc it gave us as a Category 1 was enough to scare us. I lost power for 3 days and having two kids to entertain was no easy task. As one is a teenager and the other was just 8 years old at the time.  I am originally from Puerto Rico. I finished growing up in Florida. I experienced hurricanes in both countries, and I can tell you Florida is by far better equipped than South Carolina, when it comes to hurricanes and here are my reasons. Florida has a better drain system, specially for massive catastrophic storms. Their homes are built to withstand strong hurricanes. They evacuate ahead of time, but don’t let Floridians fool you we do tend to go crazy at the grocery stores and will fight for water, can goods, batteries, etc. As in SC we are more courteous. That is refreshing, but they also have the mentality of to each their own. As Irma approaches South Carolina, I am left with the decision do I allow the kids to head north with their dad and I stay behind alone in my apartment? Or do I leave with them and hope for the best upon my return?. My decision keeps leaning towards let him take the kids and head north and I stay behind to document the hurricane, but also stay at my house and keep an eye on my belongings. Yes, I know, I know, but you probably have renters insurance have you seen this massive storm? Yes, I am aware of how big it is and yes I do have renters insurance. I do live in a very secure neighborhood but I don’t trust easily. Once the power goes out and people know you are no longer inside your residence they likely will come in an loot. That’s my fear.

So here is to you Hurricane Irma, I hope you pass us quickly and leave us with little damage. As it approaches us I will update the blog more and more. I leave you with this photo published by CNN from the Hurricane Center. This photo speaks for itself!

BYE IRMA #PrayforPR #BYEIRMA #YOUARENOTWELCOMEHERE

 

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Being a single mom isn’t easy!

Today was a rough day.  As I came home from work and sat in traffic a familiar tune came on my radio station.  It was Garth Brooks and his song “To make you feel my love”, it came on I lost it. That was my wedding song.  It all the sudden hit me. I am a single mom and have been for a while now but wow how have I manged so much and maintained strength through so many trails I’ve endured? I heard the song, shed a tear and kept driving.

As I picked up my son from school and came home I don’t know what really happened but the tears all of the sudden started to pour down my face in the bathroom as I was running water for a hot bubble bath. I stood in front of the mirror watching my mascara run down and the tears were fast and heavy. I stood there and said to myself “You are a warrior, you can do this” and then more tears. It all hit me and hit me hard. I no longer have a husband. I no longer have a boyfriend either. I have myself, and while that is enough at times, it hurts to not have anyone to run to and just cry to. Someone to hold me and say “My love, I’m here” I had that once and now its gone. I allowed a lot of snakes into my relationship and they ruined it. While this time alone has helped me grow into a new person, a strong woman I still long to have that partnership where we are enough for one another and we can tell the world to go screw themselves!

As Fall approaches a lot of things are coming that I do not want to face. My due date is coming up and I will be reminded that day that I would have been holding a baby in my arms and hearing sweet cries in the middle of the night. I also have to face a date in October that will be hard for me. And then as Winter approaches I have to face the one (1) year anniversary of my uncle’s death which I still can’t process because it was beyond traumatic and unexpected in my life. So see, while I am single and I am free to date and don’t have anyone to answer to, I hurt deep inside and long for that! For someone to come home to and say “Honey, I’m home”…….I know someday I’ll have that again. I know that every single tear I shed will be replaced with a smile. So for now I’ll allow myself to once in a while not be Wonder Woman 24/7, and cry when needed. I have a tendency to not cry, I don’t show emotions very well and that’s just a defense mechanism. I’ve always been that way…but once someone can tear down the wall around my heart they have all of me!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you who isn’t a single mom that being a single woman and a mom at that is easy. Its not! We make it look easy but our hustle game is strong. We do what we have to do in order to survive and give our babies everything and anything.

Leave me a comment below if you are a single momma going through the same shit!

Love,

Lori XOXO

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